What should I tell my health care proxy?

More than a list of treatments. Real decisions rarely arrive in the form a checklist anticipates, and a proxy holding only a list is left guessing.

The Ethical and Religious Directives describe the proxy's job in terms that match this. Directive 25 says decisions by a designated surrogate "should be faithful to the person's intentions and values, or if the person's intentions are unknown, to the person's best interests." That is a duty to represent you, which requires knowing what you actually want.

Worth telling them, in your own words:

• What a good day looks like for you now, and what would make life not worth prolonging.
• Whether being at home matters more or less to you than living longer.
• What you are most afraid of, whether that is pain, confusion, being a burden, or dying alone.
• What you want at the end, including whether you want a priest called, and who you want in the room.
• What you would want them to do if the family disagrees.

Write a short values statement alongside the legal form and give it to the same people. Two pages in your own sentences is worth more at three in the morning than a signed checklist.