Practical Funeral & Digital Estate Planning

Almost nobody wants to do this paperwork. Almost every family that skipped it wishes they hadn't. The work described here takes a few afternoons. Done in advance, it removes a lot of guessing and expense from the worst week of a family's life. Done at the last minute, it usually gets done badly.

This is the single most common confusion, and it matters.

An advance directive is about medical care while you are alive but cannot speak for yourself. It usually has two parts. A living will records what treatments you would and would not want under set conditions. A durable power of attorney for health care names the person who decides on your behalf. That person is sometimes called a health care proxy or agent. NCI describes advance directives as legal papers that tell your loved ones and doctors what care you want if you cannot say so yourself.

A will is a separate legal document. It deals with property after you have died, not with medical care. A lawyer or your state's legal aid service can explain what a will needs in your state.

NCI explains that a DNR order tells the health care team not to use CPR if your breathing or heartbeat stops. Ask your team whether a DNR or a similar medical order, such as a POLST or MOLST form, fits your situation and who signs it. Rules can differ by state, so if you spend time in more than one state, ask whether your documents are valid in each.

NCI stresses talking through your decisions with family and loved ones, and with your doctor, nurse or social worker. If treatment stops, NCI says palliative care continues, including pain management and emotional support. See palliative care and hospice care.

Funeral pricing is one of the few areas where federal consumer protection is specific and genuinely useful. The Federal Trade Commission's Funeral Rule gives you rights. According to the FTC's consumer guidance, you have the right to:

• Get price information over the phone. You do not have to give your name or any other details first.
• Receive a general price list from the funeral home that is yours to keep. It lists each item and service and its cost.
• Get casket and outer burial container price information before you see the merchandise.
• Buy only the goods and services you want. You do not have to take a package with items you don't want.
• Use a casket or urn bought elsewhere. The funeral home cannot refuse it or charge a fee to handle it.
• Get an itemized statement of everything you selected and its cost, right after you make arrangements.

The FTC also states that no state law requires routine embalming for every death. Alternatives include refrigeration, direct cremation and immediate burial.

The practical advice that follows is simple. Get price lists from three funeral homes in your area before you need them. Do it while nobody is grieving. Comparing prices ahead of time is easier than doing it in the middle of grief. Also ask whether any burial benefit exists through an employer, union, veterans' status or a life insurance policy before paying out of pocket.

Passwords in someone's head die with them, and companies may not hand an account over to family. Many services have their own setting for naming a trusted contact or legacy contact. Look in each important account's settings and read that company's current rules.

Also write down which accounts hold things the family will actually need or want. Keep that list on paper, stored with the will. Include:

• Photos.
• The email address used for two-factor codes.
• Subscriptions that will keep billing.
• Any domain names or business accounts.
• Any cryptocurrency, which may be unrecoverable without its keys.

Do not put passwords in a will. Ask a lawyer where to store them safely.

Use one labeled folder, in a place someone else knows about. Put these in it:

• The will and the executor's contact details.
• The advance directive and health care proxy.
• The financial power of attorney.
• The birth certificate, Social Security number, and marriage or divorce records.
• Military discharge papers (DD-214).
• Deeds and vehicle titles.
• Life insurance policies.
• A list of bank, retirement and investment accounts.
• Recent tax returns.
• A list of debts and recurring bills.
• Funeral wishes and any prepaid arrangements.
• A list of people to notify.

A safe deposit box is a poor choice if nobody else has legal access to open it.

None of this makes a death easier to bear. It only means the people you love are not calling utility companies and arguing with a bank in the same week they are burying you. That is a real gift, and it is one of the few you can still arrange yourself.

• National Cancer Institute — Advance Directives
• Federal Trade Commission — The FTC Funeral Rule