The short answer
Grief and mourning are a normal part of dealing with loss. Most people adjust over time, usually within 6 months to 2 years, though everyone grieves in their own way. Grief is different from major depression, and support, and sometimes treatment, can help those who are struggling.
Grief is the emotional response to loss, and mourning is how we show it; both are normal.
Most people work through grief and recover within about 6 months to 2 years.
There is no single typical grief response; everyone grieves in their own way.
Normal grief is different from major depression.
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The full explanation.
Grief is a normal response to loss
Grief and mourning are part of the normal process of dealing with a loss. It helps to know what these words mean:
- Grief is the emotional response to the loss of a loved one.
- Mourning is the way we show grief in public. It is shaped by beliefs, religious practices, and culture.
- Bereavement is the period of sadness after a death. People who are grieving are described as bereaved.
Common grief reactions include feeling emotionally numb, being unable to believe the loss occurred, anxiety from being separated from the person, mourning along with feeling depressed, and, over time, a feeling of acceptance. Most people will adjust to the loss over time.
The types of grief
There are three general types of grief.
- Anticipatory grief happens before a death. It may be felt by the person who is dying or by the family. It is different from grief that comes after the death, and it does not affect everyone. Talking with someone trained in grief can help families come to terms with what is ahead.
- Normal or common grief begins soon after a loss, and its symptoms ease over time. The bereaved person accepts the loss and continues with daily activities, even though it is hard. Reactions can include shock, disbelief, anxiety, sadness, anger, loss of sleep or appetite, and guilt.
- Complicated grief is when symptoms do not improve, last a long time, cause extreme distress, and make it hard to take part in daily activities.
How long grief lasts
Recovery time is different for each person. In normal grief, symptoms occur less often and feel less severe as time passes. For most people, symptoms lessen between 6 months and 2 years after the loss.
Along the way, many people have "grief bursts," or pangs. These are short periods, about 20 to 30 minutes, of very intense distress. They are often triggered by reminders of the person, such as holidays, the anniversary of the death, or giving away belongings. At other times, they seem to come for no reason. Although many people share similar responses, there is no single typical grief response.
Grief is not the same as depression
When a person grieves, they can have symptoms that overlap with major depression, such as sleep problems, guilt, and lack of interest. But normal grief is different from depression in important ways:
- Painful feelings come and go, instead of being constant.
- There are feelings of emptiness, rather than steady sadness or not feeling pleasure.
- People keep good self-esteem and do not feel worthless.
- If there are thoughts of suicide, they are usually focused on the person who died, such as a wish to join them, rather than thoughts about oneself.
A bereaved person can be diagnosed with major depression if they have symptoms that occur outside of the normal grief process. If you are unsure, it is okay to ask your doctor for help sorting it out.
What affects how a person grieves
A person's grief is affected by many things, including their personality, age, cultural and religious background, coping skills and mental health history, the amount of support they have, and their relationship with the person who died.
Support matters a great deal. Lack of social support increases the chance of having problems coping with a loss. Social support includes family, friends, neighbors, and community members who can offer emotional, physical, and financial help.
When grief needs extra support
Most people work through grief and recover on their own, so normal grief may not need treatment. For people who have serious grief reactions or lasting distress, treatment can help.
Cognitive behavioral therapy, which helps a person change negative thoughts and behaviors, may help those with complicated grief. Depression that occurs with grief may be treated with talk therapy and, sometimes, medicine, decided together with a health care professional.
If your grief feels like more than you can carry, reach out to your care team, a counselor, or a bereavement program. And if you ever have thoughts of suicide, dial 911 in an emergency, or call, text, or chat 988 to reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
Words to know
Tap any term to see what it means.
Common questions
▸What is the difference between grief, mourning, and bereavement?
Grief is the emotional response to the loss of a loved one. Mourning is the way we show grief in public, shaped by beliefs, religion, and culture. Bereavement is the period of sadness after a death. All are part of the normal process of dealing with a loss.
▸How long does grief usually last?
Recovery time varies with each person. For most people, symptoms lessen between 6 months and 2 years after the loss, occurring less often and feeling less severe as time passes. Although many people have similar responses, there is no typical grief response.
▸What are grief bursts?
Grief bursts, or pangs, are short periods of about 20 to 30 minutes of very intense distress. They are often caused by reminders of the person, such as holidays, the anniversary of the death, or giving away belongings. At other times they seem to happen for no reason.
▸How is grief different from depression?
In normal grief, painful feelings come and go rather than being constant, there are feelings of emptiness rather than constant sadness, and people keep good self-esteem. If there are thoughts of suicide, they are usually focused on the person who died. A person can develop major depression if symptoms occur outside the normal grief process.
▸Does grief always need treatment?
No. Most people work through grief and recover on their own within the first 6 months to 2 years, so normal grief may not need treatment. For people who have serious grief reactions or symptoms of distress that do not improve, treatment can be helpful.
▸What can help someone who is grieving?
Support from family, friends, neighbors, and community is important, and lack of support makes coping harder. For lasting or complicated grief, cognitive behavioral therapy can help, and depression related to grief may be treated with talk therapy and, sometimes, medicine.
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