When Your Brother or Sister Has Cancer

When your brother or sister has cancer, a lot of attention goes to them. But guess what? You matter too. This page is just for you.

The two big things first

• It's not your fault. Nothing you did or ever said — even in a fight — caused your sibling's cancer.
• You can't catch it. You can still hug them, play with them, and be close.

Feelings that are okay (even the tricky ones)

You might feel:

• worried or sad about your brother or sister
• scared about the hospital and what's happening
• lonely, because your parents are busy with them a lot
• jealous that they get so many presents and so much attention
• mad that everything changed
• guilty for feeling jealous or mad

Here's the thing: all of these feelings are normal. Even feeling jealous or annoyed doesn't make you a bad brother or sister. Lots of kids feel exactly this way. Feelings aren't good or bad — they're just feelings.

You're allowed to need things too

When someone in the family is sick, it's easy to feel like your stuff doesn't matter anymore. But it does. You're allowed to:

• ask your parents for some one-on-one time
• talk about your day and your worries
• still have fun, see friends, and do the things you love

If you're not getting enough attention, it's okay to say so. Try telling a grown-up: "I miss spending time with you," or "I have feelings about this too." That's not selfish — it helps your family know what you need.

Who to talk to

Find a grown-up you trust and tell them how you're really feeling — even the jealous or mad parts. A parent, grandparent, teacher, or school counselor can help. You don't have to be the "easy" kid who keeps everything inside. Your feelings deserve to be heard, just as much as anyone's.