The short answer
Caring for someone with cancer can be rewarding and stressful at the same time. Many caregivers set their own needs aside, but caring for yourself gives you the strength to care for others. Talking about your feelings, asking for help, and joining a support group can all ease the load.
Caregiving can be stressful, and if you do not take care of yourself, you cannot take care of others.
All family caregivers need support, and your needs matter too.
Talking with others about what you are going through is very important for most caregivers.
Support groups can help you gain insight, get ideas for coping, and feel less alone.
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The full explanation.
Your feelings matter too
Giving care and support to someone with cancer can be a challenge. Many caregivers put their own needs and feelings aside to focus on the person with cancer. This can be hard to keep up for a long time, and it is not good for your health. If you do not take care of yourself, you will not be able to take care of others.
Whether you are younger or older, you may find yourself in a new role as a caregiver. The way you support your loved one may feel more intense than before, or new to you. It is very common to feel confused and stressed at this time. If you can, try to share your feelings with others or join a support group. You may also choose to seek help from a counselor.
Ask for help, and expect that not everyone can give it
Many caregivers say that, looking back, they took too much on themselves or wish they had asked for help sooner. Take an honest look at what you can and cannot do, and be willing to let go of tasks that others can help with, such as cooking, cleaning, driving, or keeping others updated.
Getting help for yourself also helps your loved one, because you may stay healthier and they may feel less guilty about all you are doing. At the same time, be prepared that some people may not be able to help. They may be coping with their own problems, may not have time, or may feel afraid or awkward. If someone important is not helping, you may gently explain your needs, or simply let it go.
Taking care of yourself
All family caregivers need support. You may feel your needs are not important right now since you are not the patient, but caring for your own needs, hopes, and desires gives you the strength to carry on.
Make time for yourself
- Find time to relax. Take at least 15 to 30 minutes each day to do something for yourself, like a nap, exercise, a hobby, watching a movie, gentle stretching, or simply sitting still and breathing.
- Do not neglect your personal life. It is okay to cut back on personal activities, but try not to cut them out entirely. Look for easy ways to connect with friends.
- Keep up your routine. Studies show that dropping your regular activities can increase stress, so try to keep doing some of them, even if for less time.
- Ask for help so you can free up larger chunks of time for yourself.
Understand your feelings
Giving yourself an outlet for your thoughts and feelings is important. Think about what would lift your spirits. Would talking with others ease your load, or would you rather have quiet time? Maybe you need both, depending on the day. It helps you and others to know what you need.
Talk to others about what you are going through
Studies show that talking with other people about what you are dealing with is very important to most caregivers. It is especially helpful when you feel overwhelmed or want to say things you cannot say to your loved one. Talk to someone you can really open up to. You are allowed to feel angry, frustrated, or overwhelmed.
You may want to talk with someone outside your inner circle, such as a social worker, psychologist, or leader in your faith community. These experts can help you express your feelings and learn new ways to cope.
Support groups can help
Cancer support groups can meet in person, by phone, or online. They may help you gain new insights, get ideas about how to cope, and know that you are not alone. In a support group, people share feelings, trade advice, and help others facing the same issues. Some people like to go and just listen, and some prefer not to join at all. Do what feels right for you.
Watch your own health
Caregiving stress can cause many feelings and body changes, such as fatigue, sleep problems, headaches, and changes in appetite. Watch for signs of depression or anxiety, and if the changes last more than two weeks, talk to your doctor. Some caregivers realize they have become depressed and need help.
Keep up with your own checkups and screenings, take any medicine as prescribed, try to eat healthy meals, get enough rest, and find even 15 to 30 minutes a day to move your body. Taking care of your health gives you the strength to help others, and it is one of the kindest things you can do for both of you.
Words to know
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Common questions
▸Why do I need to take care of myself if I am the caregiver?
Many caregivers put their own needs aside to focus on the person with cancer, but this is hard to keep up and is not good for your health. If you do not take care of yourself, you will not be able to take care of others. Caring for your own needs gives you strength to carry on.
▸Is it normal to feel stressed or overwhelmed as a caregiver?
Yes. It is very common to feel confused and stressed as a caregiver, especially as roles change. You are allowed to feel angry, frustrated, or overwhelmed. Sharing your feelings with others or joining a support group can help.
▸How can talking to others help me?
Studies show that talking with other people about what you are dealing with is very important to most caregivers. It is especially helpful when you feel overwhelmed or want to say things you cannot say to your loved one. Talk to someone you can really open up to.
▸Should I watch for depression or anxiety in myself?
Yes. Stress can cause many feelings and body changes. Watch for signs of depression or anxiety, and if the changes last more than two weeks, talk to your doctor. Some caregivers realize they have become depressed and need help, and it is important to seek help when you need it.
▸How can a support group help caregivers?
Support groups can meet in person, by phone, or online. They may help you gain new insights into what is happening, get ideas about how to cope, and help you know that you are not alone. Some people like to go and just listen, and that is okay too.
▸I feel like I have no time for myself. What can I do?
Try to take at least 15 to 30 minutes each day to do something for yourself, like a short walk, gentle stretching, a hobby, or simply sitting still and breathing. Asking others for help with chores or errands can free up larger chunks of time to recharge.
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